In March 2022, megachurch pastor Bruxy Cavey resigned from The Meeting House after an anonymous woman came forward and accused Cavey of sexual misconduct. Three months later, the Hamilton police announced it had arrested and charged Cavey with sexual assault.
In December 2023, Cavey was charged with two new counts of sexual assault. None of the charges have been proven in court.
As the wife of a former pastor and current advocate for victims of clergy sexual abuse, Cavey has not been far from my mind these last couple of years.
Over a year ago I wrote about Cavey for the Star. Since then I have been focused on digging into the patriarchal religious system that perpetuates the abuse of power and shroud of secrecy within the church.
A church is often as strong as their charismatic leader — the thousands of attendees that worshipped at The Meeting House’s multiple locations (where they streamed his video sermons) suggest that Cavey’s personality was a big draw. Oftentimes, there is no succession plan for these types of churches. There’s a built-in protection — people come to hear a certain preacher talk.
I’ll never forget the day my husband preached his first sermon. He was a 20-something youth pastor, and the regular senior pastor was away on holiday. After church I went into the bathroom and overheard two ladies who said they’d missed the regular pastor — one joked she would have slept in if she knew the youth pastor was preaching.
As a former pastor’s wife I understand the inner-workings of the church. The debates, the drama, the political decisions that are made. I’m not surprised that a man in a position of power could face allegations after decades of secrecy — I have my own childhood experience with clergy sexual abuse to look back on. The guy is still out there, shilling for the gospel.
I'll admit, it didn't come as a surprise when I got a notification that Cavey had been charged again. Just like it didn’t surprise me when Cavey launched a new website a few months after his initial arrest, where he writes about his thoughts on scripture, solicits donations, and refers to the space as “my therapy.” His most recent blog post, which was still live at the time of writing this, was an exegesis on lust.
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Why does this matter, though? It points to the fact that the system that upholds and protects a legacy of abuse is alive and well.
This system protects powerful men with credible allegations — while those who speak up, many of them women, experience harassment. The anonymous woman who first came forward with allegations against Cavey has been relentlessly harassed and even named, despite court-protected anonymity. To a much lesser extent, after I wrote my first piece for the Star, I faced online trolls, e-mails, and even mailed letters.
It’s brave whistleblowers, like the first woman who spoke against Cavey, that have taken the first step at dismantling the religious system that puts a single charismatic man in a position of authority over an entire community of believers.
But it’s up to the rest of us to carry the torch and push for a full dismantling of this system — to tear down the belief that a man is any more worthy of respect. It’s a recipe for disaster, when a church is dependent on one man for their financial security, when the community draws on his charisma and persona to sustain their growth.
How exactly do we dismantle this hundreds-year old system, though? I don’t have all the answers, but here’s my vision for a future church: That it would be an inclusive and diverse space, that leadership positions are shared, and women and diverse minority groups are empowered, trained, and supported to fill these positions; that there are transparent accountability systems for leaders and members; and that everyone is given a voice and encouraged to share the joys and hurts — even if the hurt comes from within the church.
